No, I Wont Have Sex With You. The Hazards of Online Hookups.
Ghostsandwiches is somewhat of a hit on the internets; ever since the "it's not gay when..." list, readers actually think I am interested in meeting them. Sure, I am interested in meeting people on the internet; but that does not mean that my penis is in business for its vagina/anal oil. The following are some of the pictures I have recieved (via email) requesting a "meeting" AKA hardcore deviant sex. Perhaps I am being a fool by not hooking up with these people, but hey, you be the judge:
Danka - Finland
Don't let these pictures fool you; Danka is a trainwreck of a woman. This lady has emailed me multiple times and each time sending me a new picture to report her progress into the downward spiral from female Steve-o to Heroin slut. I have two theories to why she could be emailing me:
Theory #1
This is really a "woman" named Danka, and she really wants sex with me. I can't blame her, sex with me is a diagnosed illness in most of Northern India. She has obviously been infected by this illness and is pursuing a sexual relationship.
Theory #2
"Danka" is actually a 14yr old autistic child who found these pictures on the internet and is emailing me viciously in an attempt to either a) solicit underage gay sex from me or b) drive me into insanity. Let's hope for a mix of A & B.
"Utada Hikaru" - Japan
A google image search showed me that Utada Hikaru was not this guy, but rather a quasi-attractive Japanese popstar. Don't get me wrong, I am into asians, but if they have a penis I tend to shy away. I almost wonder what kind of a relationship could of blossomed if I followed up on his email: Maybe he could have married me for a green card. Maybe we could have moved in together. And maybe, just maybe, I could have woken up to his beautiful body everyday for the rest of my life.
Pity.
Mike - Idaho
Baby fetish! Where do I sign up? Retarded fuckheadopia? Fuck that. Seriously, what the hell did he think I was going to say?
Pat: Hey Mike, I saw your pictures on the internet. Thanks for reading Ghostsandwiches!
Mike: Baby wike your web site! Baby wuv u so much!
Pat: Jesus Christ. You're turning me on.
Mike: Baby poop all in his diapa! Baby messy! Me sowwy! *cries*
Pat: Oh yeah, keep going, you know how to hit all my 48 male adult baby fetish buttons.
I'd imagine that would be how the foreplay on our 4th or 5th date would go, but if I play my cards right I might make a move on the 3rd. Let's hope! Also, I think his devil-dog in picture #1 is enough to keep me away from Idaho itself.
SlipknotKid69 - Most likely the bible belt.
You. Call me.
Danka - Finland
Don't let these pictures fool you; Danka is a trainwreck of a woman. This lady has emailed me multiple times and each time sending me a new picture to report her progress into the downward spiral from female Steve-o to Heroin slut. I have two theories to why she could be emailing me:Theory #1
This is really a "woman" named Danka, and she really wants sex with me. I can't blame her, sex with me is a diagnosed illness in most of Northern India. She has obviously been infected by this illness and is pursuing a sexual relationship.
Theory #2
"Danka" is actually a 14yr old autistic child who found these pictures on the internet and is emailing me viciously in an attempt to either a) solicit underage gay sex from me or b) drive me into insanity. Let's hope for a mix of A & B.
"Utada Hikaru" - Japan
A google image search showed me that Utada Hikaru was not this guy, but rather a quasi-attractive Japanese popstar. Don't get me wrong, I am into asians, but if they have a penis I tend to shy away. I almost wonder what kind of a relationship could of blossomed if I followed up on his email: Maybe he could have married me for a green card. Maybe we could have moved in together. And maybe, just maybe, I could have woken up to his beautiful body everyday for the rest of my life. Pity.
Mike - Idaho
Baby fetish! Where do I sign up? Retarded fuckheadopia? Fuck that. Seriously, what the hell did he think I was going to say?Pat: Hey Mike, I saw your pictures on the internet. Thanks for reading Ghostsandwiches!
Mike: Baby wike your web site! Baby wuv u so much!
Pat: Jesus Christ. You're turning me on.
Mike: Baby poop all in his diapa! Baby messy! Me sowwy! *cries*
Pat: Oh yeah, keep going, you know how to hit all my 48 male adult baby fetish buttons.
I'd imagine that would be how the foreplay on our 4th or 5th date would go, but if I play my cards right I might make a move on the 3rd. Let's hope! Also, I think his devil-dog in picture #1 is enough to keep me away from Idaho itself.
SlipknotKid69 - Most likely the bible belt.
You. Call me.
posted by Pat at Monday, March 27, 2006
6 Comments:
Mike's poor dog has no idea...
First and foremost, there is NOTHING "quasi" about Utada Hikaru, particularly in regard to her attractiveness.
That being said, I think you should go for the heroine whore. I mean, for a heroin addict, she's pretty hot. It looks like she still has all her teeth, even. Then again, if you wait a while she might lose her teeth and then you never have to worry about you're penis being scraped when recieving a blowjob. Just food for thought.
I have to say though, I really do feel sorry for you, having to get that kinda' shit in your email. *shudders*
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From the size and shape of her(?) belly, it looks like that slipknotkid has been e-mailing Tom Cruise too.
Hail Xenu!
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